Discovering your True Self
When we are born, as children, we have no control over our surroundings. The moment we are born, we are identified as male or female, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Christian, Catholic, Muslim, etc We learn that we have to put up with these titles, otherwise we won’t be accepted into our society and even worse into our family. For women, it will sound something like “be the good girl”, “girls wear dresses” and for boys, it will sound something like “why are you crying? You are strong! Men don’t cry!” “Boys don’t have long hair”. And so we learn to carry on this “mask” full of expectations that are forming our behavior, the things we say, things we are allowed to think or not think, having us thinking that if we do the opposite, we won’t be accepted. So we carry on with us that punishment or guilt that if we are not like “that” we are not loved.
Children are smart. So during this time of putting on this “mask”, if we are not given an explanation as to why things have to be this way, then we make our own explanation. We come to this unfortunate conclusion that “If I take off this mask, not only I will be punished, but I will also not be worthy of love”. And this is where people learn that love is conditional.
Three things that children want is affection, attention, and acknowledgment. So when a kid is restricted when they want to play or eat an extra cookie or simply because they don’t want a parent to go to work, or hear a parent complaining about money, certain fears start to haunt our mind. Then the more we experience these fears, the more we start believing them making them our reality.
If we were criticized as kids, then we convince ourselves that “I am not good enough”. If we lack love and affection then we will believe that “I am not worthy to love”, or if we weren’t given much attention then we will conclude that “I am not important.”
As adults then, we think that we “see” our beliefs in the world because we gave that meaning to ourselves. The moment we give meaning to something, it becomes our reality. It becomes something that we manifest. It is important at this time to remember that the fact that we see that as part of our reality, doesn’t mean that it is true. Until we speak up and face that false belief, it will stay there.
First, we have to be willing to stop and question these beliefs. When it comes to traumas, we have to go back and examine those beliefs, recognize all aspects of those beliefs. Questions we can ask during this process are questions such as: Is this what actually happened? What was the perspective of the other person? How did the situation make me feel? What part of this experience traumatizes me the most?
At some point in life, we all come face to face with our traumas and that mask we had to put on. At that moment is when we have to make a choice if we want to continue wearing that mask or take it off. We have to direct that wound instead of letting that wound direct us. When that happens, we will notice pain and most of it it’s because it has been accumulated and waiting to be acknowledged. It will feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar because that's the programming and belief we gave it. That even by looking at it will make us unworthy of love because we were not supposed to feel that way. That’s why sometimes people avoid acknowledging certain situations.
Not acknowledging and avoiding can make some people feel empty. All these come back to self-love and knowing that we deserve to feel loved by just us being who we truly are. People work very hard to keep up an image. We see that especially right now through social media. We all some way try to do that at times. But what will break this cycle is us unpacking our story and understanding the effect that it had in our lives and how this trauma affected us.
Let’s ask ourselves, what drives us? What holds us back? How can we heal our relationships? How can we create empathy and understanding around that trauma? What was the person going through at that time when they caused us that trauma? It's important we don’t download our story but share it. Our deepest wounds are our greatest gifts and what we can give to the world. This is our purpose. We can either use our traumas to be upset and angry or say to ourselves “Okay, this happened. What am I going to do with this? How can I learn from this and teach others how they too can overcome this? How can I get through this experience and evolve?”
You were put on this earth for a reason and our mission is to find it and fulfill it. It all starts from you impacting one person. And that person can impact another. And another. When we share those deeper parts of ourselves that we might even feel ashamed or we deeply regret, we allow the whole world to see us. And when that happens, as vulnerable as it sounds, we become free. Watch then, that weight that can be lifted off your shoulders and be replaced with freedom. Watch how you will transform.
Maybe, you can go outside in the world and inspire other people to do the same. That’s the world we want to live in. Full of authenticity, truth, inspiration, self-love, self-acceptance, and kindness.
Until next time, my beautiful people.
Always stay true to who you are.